Here's what I was thinking when I started the post:
I suppose it's natural to worry a little, or a lot, sometimes, that you won't reach that next goal, whatever it is for you.
I didn't know if I could finish an entire book when I first started writing. And until I wrote The End, I still wasn't sure. After that I worried that I'd never write the perfect query letter, never get any agent interest, never write a second book, never write a perfect query letter for that...
Well, you get the picture.
I LOVED doing all those things, and of course, I did do them (well maybe not the perfect query, but still) but at the same time, I was also uncertain a lot of the time. Sometimes that crossed over the bordeline into worry. And sometimes it ran screaming through border control like a crazed drugs mule.
Here's what I'm thinking today:
Isn't that uncertainty fun? It's full of hope. I mean, you already achieved so much, right? And you enjoyed writing that short story, that novel, that query, that synopsis (bear with me, you did - in some way - otherwise you wouldn't have done it. It's not like this is compulsory). And with the uncertainy, all smushed together with that little bit of worry, is that fizzing excitement of the possibility that the next big thing you're striving for is going to happen.
This is how I feel today. And I say that from the depths of the third revision on my book. I have a TON of work to do. Lots of it will involve deleting my pretty, pretty words. Lots of it will involve writing new pretty, pretty words. I'm up for it. Look at me, I'm all grown up!!
Here's an example of one of my uncertainties:
It's one of my background fears that I won't even be able to think of a Book 3 (note: I have background and foreground fears - it's a complex system designed to ensure that I'm anxious at all times).
So what's your biggest worry at the moment, and how do you deal with it?
You're always so confident. It's hard to believe you have anxieties.
ReplyDeleteYou must have written this blog post just for me :-) It's very timely. Writing is as much about battling personal demons as achieving word count. Our characters grow, but so do we writers as we lay down each chapter. It's fun and exciting, but often terribly scary.
Great blog post, Ruth.
Amaleen, this is my favourite edit on this novel (so far). Anxiety can naff off today, it's all good : )
DeleteSometimes, uncertainty IS full of hope, and that's great. It means the possibilities are still out there. But, as you said, man is it scary too.
ReplyDeleteHello from another Ruth! This is a post I could definitely relate to. When younger, I worried about everything, but more and more I'm embracing the uncertainty and learning to go with the flow. Tried to join your blog through my google account, but don't think it went through. I'll try again later.
ReplyDeleteHi Ruth! I don't get to say that very often : ) I'm enjoying everything about this whole process of writing a book at the moment. It feels great!
ReplyDeleteThis post was great, and totally relatable.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest worry comes from when I hear agents on twitter or blogs talking about submissions as "Good idea, but weak writing." I always wonder if they're talking about me and that I'm just oblivious. Self doubt just seems to come with the territory.
It absolutely does. But as long as it isn't so overwhelming it stops us doing anything, I think it can be a good thing. Sometimes it means we think extra hard about whether or not that line/paragraph/chapter is good enough : )
DeleteI guess the self-belief must outweigh the self-doubt in the end, because we keep putting ourselves out there, right? : D
Ruth, you know all too well that I worry just as much, if not more than you! As soon as I cross one thing off the list, another gets added. Such is life!
ReplyDeleteYes. Exactly what you said. There's lots of excitement in this journey, but the worry's always there, too.
ReplyDeleteI particularly like how I can think something I wrote is genius one day and utter rubbish the next. Brilliant :D
ReplyDeleteMy biggest worry is this revision I am doing. I got all form rejections on my query/full novel/partial/etc and then got a revision request. So now I am revising. But I worry that - while this revision is making my book soooo much better - that the agent won't like it and that no one else will either. :/
ReplyDeleteA revision request is a big leap of faith. I'm on my third revision with my agent and the first two worried the hell out of me! But I KNEW they were for the best, and if you know that with yours, then you're doing the right thing : )
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